On his ninth birthday, Ticonderoga Faber looks at his life and his decaying town and decides that despite what he's been taught, honesty is no longer the best policy. So he and his older brothers, Eagle and Dixon, decide to become outlaws, with very little success. Oliver Twist meets the Marx Brothers during the Great Recession.

Guaranteed to make you taller, smarter, and more popular or a very small portion of your money back.

“I got a lot taller.” — Anne, age 14

“I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.” — Roan, age 13

“More fun than a bucket of cat videos.” — Chuck, age 11

“Terrible horrible very bad book. Would burn. One star.” — Kim Jong Un, World's Best Dictator